Living in a World of Rejection

Everyone gets some form or rejection at some point in their lives. If you're fairly well balanced, you can take it in stride, maybe momentarily sad/disappointed/angry but you move on.

However, to reject seems a much harder action for some people to commit. Take the thinner side of relationships--that is, dating. How many times has it happened that someone says to you, "I'll call you," when they have no intention of ever calling? Or the slow disappearance of the person you're dating, who can't manage to say, "I'm no longer interested," but instead becomes distant, talking less, laughing less, making love less or with less passion?

I mean, really, who is being fooled in such relationships? Not the one slowly being dumped. And if you haven't learned by now, a slow dumping is much more wounding and demoralizing than a sudden one. Though that shouldn't mean never calling again but having the guts to say, "Look, this just isn't working out," or "I'm really more into my book than you," or whatever.

I believe there's often ego tied up in this that people don't realize. "Oh, I couldn't tell him/her I don't want to see them anymore. It would crush him/her." Yeah, I've been reduced to ashes every time some guy never called. Give me a break. Ego ego ego. Not needed. People survive, they move on. Someone I've dated is not all important in my life. (A longer live-in relationship is a dfferent story however) If you've only had a few dates with someone, be decent and say it's not working. Don't be a worm wriggling away without the guts to say anything.

Which gets to the real point of this. Writing. My gods, I've been rejected so many times I cannot count. I used to say I could paper a house with rejections and a bathroom with acceptances. I think I could now paper a good sized bedroom with acceptances. But the point is, a writer lives with rejection all the time. And it's not just because personalities don't mesh (well, maybe sometimes it is), but it's more personal; it's one's writing.

Writing can be the blood and soul of a writer. A good writer can separate enough to take constructive criticism. A good writer can also be completely emotionally unstable and think that you're ripping the arms off their baby any time you say anything against their perfect child. Okay, that's not a good writer. That's a crazed writer who might, from time to time, write well, but only if they can take criticism.

Still, no matter how professional you are, how gracious, how open and noble, how thick your skin, it can get to you. The perseverance of most writers is akin to beating your head against a wall with a nail sticking out, knowing it's causing you to hurt and bleed, but still doing it, hoping you can pound down that nail. What gives first? How prevalent is depression amongst writers? Ask them.

Writing is not for the weak at heart. Over the years and the many workshops/writers groups I've been in I've seen people freeze up. Some never write again when they find out their perfect child has a flaw to some people. Some are closet writers, writing away, but paralyzed to submit.

And there you go; submission. A writer must be submissive. Passively and meekly sending in stories and poetry to the mighty god-editor of doom, awaiting the call or the casting out. You must submit your writing and submit to the will of others.

Now when you look at the aberrant personalities of past writers: Dylan Thomas, Hemingway, Oscar Wilde, Lord Byron, to name a few, is it any wonder they turned out the way they did? And of course one can ask: does writing attract the aberrant personalities or does writing create them?